Go Back to the Gutter that You Came From Biatch

If you know me, then odds are you are aware of two things: a) how much I dislike my current job and b) how crazy the people who shop there are.

Today was no exception. I’m walking around the boring department of Seasonal with my good friend Robert when a man and woman, both physically dirty looking, approach me with this week’s flyer inquiring about gazebos. The conversation went as follows:

Lady: (Insert bitchy tone here) There were two gazebos on the shelf when I was here earlier today and they told me I couldn’t get the sale price until tomorrow and now they’re gone. Where are they? They better not have sold when I was told I couldn’t have them for the sale price.

Note: Friday’s are the last day of the weeks sale and the afternoon/evening we activate the deal for Saturday morning, so customers often come in Friday night’s to beat the rush for items they really want. Both of which I told her. Also (and this is most important), she said both gazebos were on the shelf earlier, except the one is so large that is virtually impossible for it to have been in said place. Continuing on….

Me: Well Ma’am we did have this one (pointing to the one for 29.99) on the shelf earlier but I opened it for a customer and it was damaged so I cannot sell it.

Husband: Why were you opening it for another customer if it wasn’t on sale yet?
(Apparently we’re only allowed to let customers see/touch what is not yet on sale and nor any of the millions of other products that do not make it into the flyer).

Lady: They were both on the shelf before and they’re both gone!

Me: The other one does not have a home over there, because it is larger and more money.

Husband: What a scam (in an undertone)

Lady: No, both of these are 29.99

Me: No, this one is (pointing), the other, is larger and 209.99 not 29.99 and we have that one in stock if you want it.

Husband: What a scam.

Lady: This is ridiculous. This store is unbelievable. I was told I couldn’t have it for this price earlier and now its gone, this is fucking ridiculous blah blah (by this point I’ve drowned her words out and Robert and I exchange annoyed looks).

Husband: So you don’t have them even though you had two this morning. What a scam. Thank you.

At this point they depart and the woman is yelling loud obscenities about the quality of the store in general, making customers and fellow employees look at her oddly. And young Spencer in Housewares starts to do a stalky sort of dance as in impression, to which we all laughed of course. We have to get our kicks somehow.

My words will not do justice to the physically and conversationally ugly nature of this woman. To the right is an attempted likeness via my good friend paint (please note the black tooth, this is not for effect. She actually had one). I bet you’re glad that you don’t have to deal with crazies like this at your job. Come on Oakville interviews!