"I live my life for the stars that shine, people say it's just a waste of time, when they said I should feed my head, that to me was just a day in bed. I'll take my car and I drive real far, to where they're not concerned about the way we are in my mind my dreams are real. Are you concerned about the way I feel?"

Try as I might I cannot seem to comprehend what has become of the world of ‘celebrity’ at the present time. I realize this is a
loaded subject, which can face ridicule from many sides, these are merely my thoughts on the matter. I’ve never been a big fan of the tactics of celebrities, their many marriages and affairs, but now it just seems to be getting literally crazy to a ridiculous degree. While celebrities have always been prone to problems by blame of the media, it just seems to be grand scale out of control. Take for instance some of the recent mind boggling choices of those facing the ‘burden of success.’

1. Paula Abdul: Now I can give respect where respect is due in saying that after her mediocre career burnt out as well as her marriage to fellow washed up celeb, Emilio Estevez, Paula was able to make a (at least financially) come back with the success of American Idol. This woman should count her blessings and stop making television appearances, while severely inebriated. Now one little interview where they claim she was ‘tired’ (I’ve never been so tired, I slurred my words but I digress) is one thing. But even as I watched it tonight (which I’m ashamed to say I did), the look in her eyes and the incoherent nature of her sentences (or broken sentences at that) begs the question. How she can still be allowed to keep her job where she is literally on the most watched show in the world?

2. Anna Nicole Smith: A woman who rode her minimal success as a model to becoming basically a rich whore, who had a son die of a methodone overdose, and a daughter only months old with about 8 prospective fathers. She is now dead as well, presumably from drugs. Seeing her on television interviews always freaked me out, she looked literally made of plastic and with the most vacant expression, like her mind wasn’t even there. How can someone like that be allowed to care for two children and what kind of crazy life will her daughter have while men vie for spots in her life to use and mistreat her for the monetary value they see her as being worth? It makes me sick that because of her mother’s bad choices she will have to live like that.

3. Britney Spears: An expectant target on the list I’m sure. Another example of a once on top celebrity with a floundering career whose recent list of outlandish tactics include: having the press photograph a full on shot of her vagina, partying with other rehab bound celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton (don’t even get me started on those two, but at least they don’t have kids) and most recently the shaving of her head as an apparent way to prevent people from ‘touching her,’ one day of rehab and getting two more tattoos. I never thought that Kevin Federline could appear as a competent or fit parent, to anyone.

What happened to the days of grace and poise? Sure Marilyn Monroe was a bit of a whore in her own day, but at least she kept her undergarments on when her skirt flew up.

"People spend so much time, every single day runnin' 'round all over town givin' their forever away, but no not me. I won't let my forever roam and now I hope I can find my forever a home so give me your forever, please your forever, not a day less will do from you"

So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, for some reason it is the one, holiday (for lack of a better word) that I as a single person, do not think too much about. But for some reason this year, I have. Here’s my problem with the whole concept. In a society of Lavalife and Myspace relationships it seems prevelant now more than ever that society dictates you’re life is incomplete unless you’re in a relationship. For all of those people out there that are in happy and healthy relationships you have my respect and credit for achieving what is proving to be an increasingly difficult feat for myself.

However, if society is telling us we need to be in relationships to be happy, then wouldn’t the reward be that you have found said person? What is it about having a relationship that translates into deserving an entire day in its honour? I realize I’m bias, but I feel like perhaps the singles out there deserve a day in their honour because they’re still looking, aren’t dating someone they know is wrong for them, are refusing to settle etc.

I know myself and I don’t seek to suggest that at certain points I’m not saddened by that fact that I am alone. In fact lately I’ve begun to consider just dedicating my life to my work as opposed to attempting to find a successful relationship, and use my sexual frustration into a successful career, haha. However a majority of the time I am content to be on my own, an opinion shared by many. Now perhaps someone could argue that we are fooling ourselves into believing being alone is what we want, but I would pose that argument back to some of the couples I’ve seen who I often wonder why they are together and question if it is merely due to convenience.

Perhaps there’s no real answer to come in questioning the logic (if there is in fact any) behind the concept of Valentine’s Day, but perhaps I will spend Valentine’s Day with some people I love (as corny as it may sound), my friends. Maybe that’s what Valentine’s Day will be about for me.

"So won't you: please please me like you want to, not not like you have to. Oh won't you just go on and leave me, you know leaving me is the least that you could do..."

I’m finding myself very disheartened about this week and its only Monday. I feel like I’ve been trying my damndest with school but that it’s getting me nowhere. Originally when I applied for my program, the appeal of the six-week end of term placement appealed to me greatly. The appeal being the obvious reasons of job experience and the possibility of being hired on, but most importantly being assisted in my pursuit to get my foot in the door (as they say). However, I feel thus far I’ve been let down greatly. The teacher leading our class titled “career management” which I feel is an alias for waste of time, has told us to create a resume and cover letter and start applying. Please tell me what about this I had not realized before she said it? Feeling on our own, my classmates and I have bee applying but I have not met any luck so far.


I also traveled to the CBC again today to meet with Kenton, my widely despised Current Affairs teacher who can’t get away from his busy schedule to teach the class in which he is a) being PAYED to teach while b) being in the building that pays him. He accused my fellow classmate and I of leaving our research to the last minute and having “a lot to do” which I didn’t feel was true of either of us. But this would have been nice to know a month ago if he’d held any actually classes between now and then. Insert image of me smacking my head against a brick wall here.

I’m worried, worried that I will have graduated both university and college with no job prospects, tons of debt and disappoint my family, my father specifically. I feel like I’ve worked hard towards a career that I know with certainty is what I want to do but fear I will never get the opportunity.