“All you need is love, is a lie cause we had love but we still said goodbye, now we're tired, battered fighters. And it stings when it's nobody's fault cause there's nothin' to blame at the drop of your name ,it's only the air you took and the breath you left”

Misery doesn’t always love company, and tonight since I am feeling extra miserable I decided to write this blog from my basement hovel and tell you yet again of the tales of my unfortunate luck.

Last Monday I traveled with my classmate Matt to Toronto to shoot an interview for our Current Affairs project. All was well until we headed for home, and my muffler started to make a horribly loud and scary noise. We thought we might die as we headed for home but were fortunate to arrive unharmed. Not to worry I thought, I get my awesome new car this week and I’ll never have to worry about things like this again. Wrong. So very wrong.

I have this strange belief that luck and misfortune continuously balance themselves out for me, some people get lots of luck and some people have loads of bad luck, but me, one good thing one bad thing or vice versa usually seems to be the case. Therefore making it only possible a majority of the time to remember the bad things because they overshadow the good, which brings me back to the new car. Tuesday evening I picked up my dark red 2007 Ford Focus from the dealership with that ‘too good to be true’ feeling. Sure it’s going to cost me and puts me even deeper into the bowels of debt hell where I already reside, but to be free of future car trouble for the next little while would be worth it, foolish me. Today I started the car and was driving when I noticed that the speedometer wasn’t moving and the engine light along with many others were on. Please note this was only the fourth time I had been in the car and it has been less than a week since I picked it up from the lot. Please tell me why a brand new car’s engine light comes on in the first week?

I’m feeling frustrated, like a lot of things are beyond my control right now. I’m trying to sell my room in Oakville but people who show interest in it seem to keep flaking out, and I still don’t have a place in Toronto to move to, and I can’t move at all unless someone takes the room I have now. All I can do is wait and all I want to do is plan to move forward. I don’t need to be in Oakville after April and Toronto is the most logical city for my hopeful future profession. Frustration and uncertainty, it’s all I got tonight.

“Don't ever stand aside, don't ever be denied. You wanna be who you'd be, if you're coming with me”

Recently after some stressful interviews and harassing e-mails, I was offered an internship at CityLine. CityLine was my first choice of those that I had applied for and I was (and still remain) a) shocked that I got it and b) happy as hell to be given the chance. I feel I have (or at least I hope I have) come along way since those shitty days I spent at Canadian Tire wondering when my life was going to begin. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is merely an internship and no guarantee of an actual paying job. However, it is experience and I’m in dire need of that.

But along with all this happiness comes many questions: Do I live here or in Toronto? If I move to Toronto am I able to sublet my lease, which I have until August? If I stay here do I commute by GO or car? If I move to Toronto where and who would I live with and can I afford it? Also if I were to move to Toronto I would need a new part time job.

It’s hard knowing what you’d like to see happen but facing uncertainty that it may not come to fruition. Unfortunately I tend to worry too much, but no matter how much I may stress in the weeks to come it’ll all be worth it because I have an awesome placement! ☺

“So let go, jump in, oh well whatcha waiting for? It's alright, cuz there's beauty in the breakdown.”

I often forget why I love certain movies as much as I do, until of course I watch them. Today’s example would be Garden State. Not only is this movie brilliantly written and directed by its star, Zach Braff, but the soundtrack is outstanding as well. Now normally I pay little to no attention to movie soundtracks, so the fact I am an advocate for this particular ones, I assure you, means something. I’ve
recently discovered that Zach Braff won an award for compilation for the movie’s soundtrack, whether you take that as a reason to listen or a reason to chastise it, the choice is yours. This movie introduced me to the music of the Shins and Frou Frou’s song, Let Go which plays at the end.

I’ve been thinking about why I love this movie so much, and I think it breaks down to this: the characters are messed up people struggling to understand and cope with their lives. Now I realize that is the premise for most movies, but this movie doesn’t seek to change them or correct their mistakes in some crazy epiphany, what’s great about that is, that’s real life. No one has a montage or musical epiphany or has some wise person who swoops in and tell us how to properly live our lives. Only we have control and are responsible for our mistakes, and that’s the truth of Garden
State. These characters are trying to find their direction and an idea of Home. They are grave diggers who live with their parents or millionaires with money but nothing to do, they are two people who meet and start to fall in love but realize how little they know about each other or life. It’s about fucked up families (and we all have one of those, I know I do) and the distance that fills those families. It’s about people who lie, reuniting with old friends, making new ones and the crappy misfortunes of life. It’s about the possibility of healing with help from your friends, and moving forward.

“Sidecars are for bitches.”