I have never felt more lost in my life. It’s scary to type those words because it makes me realize how true they are. Everything about my future seems so uncertain and out of my hands, it’s consuming my every thought. I wish someone had told me that four years of university and a year of college plus four months of working for free at an internship would mean absolutely nothing to prospective employers.

August is next week and at the end of the month everything becomes so unclear. I will no longer have my place in Oakville (despite the fact I don’t actually like/know the people I live with, it will still mean the end of not living at home), my internship will be over and I have no plan. I’ve never not had a plan. I have applied for every media job on the job websites and in my office that I can find, have asked almost every person I could think of for help and advice and still I am no closer to an answer.

To make matters worse, my father, whose heart is in the right place keeps asking me questions about what I’m going to do and to have no answer for him. I’m sure it’s as frustrating for him as it is for me. I owe him money, I owe OSAP money, I owe my line of credit, my credit card, the world money but have none to give.

My internship has been great and I’ve been fortunate to do a bunch of things that I wouldn’t have otherwise had the opportunity to take part in and have met some people I truly appreciate, which makes me feel lucky. But my bills keep piling up and I can’t pay them, I thought by the time I turned 24 (which is in a few months) I’d at least have started on my way on a solid career path not considering the possibility of having to surrender myself to yet another no-respect, part time job while I live with my parents to pay off my major debt I’ve collected for school that apparently has not benefited me in the least because I am unemployable. All the while arguing with my parents over things like where we’re going to store my bed and which room to put the treadmill in, because my moving home is an intrusion on my parents lives even though they try to pretend it isn’t. I feel unwanted in their house, as unwanted as I feel by the employers out there. I know my parents will take me back and don’t mean to make me feel this way but I can hardly blame them, I’m 23 and I only just moved out – I shouldn’t be coming back, I’m an adult…apparently.